The Eleventh
2022-09-08, 5:32 p.m.

As the eleventh rolls around again I sit here in my room and look at Fran’s pics and tell her I miss her. I failed to go to the cemetery for my weekly visit last week due to car drama.

I’ve thrown enough time and money away on my two Jeeps so last week I put a 2022 Honda passport on the road. It’s a lease but it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever had and I feel guilty Fran is not here to enjoy it with me.

My older Jeep has been already taken away by the junk man and the other I’m still using part-time. Ugh, so much money wasted especially in these last few months since Fran passed.

I still get updates from the cancer forums when I’m not actively avoiding reading them. I read another heartbreaking story of a lady whose husband fought a long hard fight but finally, they said, “there’s nothing more we can do.”

They have three kids and I was in tears reading all her feelings and what they have been through. Damn, so much fucking sadness I can barely function after reading those forums. So I do what I do best and bury the notifications like that’s the answer.

I’ve never fully dealt with my pain and sadness and I doubt I ever will.